The New Guy

I hate being the new guy. Some people feel the pressure to fit in, I don't but I feel the pressure to be nice. At least not have the group of people I met hate me for something small and petty.

I was sitting on the train and watched a group of university students chatting amongst each other and on the edge of the seat was a larger built girl that quietly nodded to what everyone was saying though not really participating in any sort of way. Though when she was asked a question, which occurred once in that 30 minute time frame, her eyes lit open and she answered it half excitedly. Though the limelight faded pretty quick when the group went back to the norm and she was left feeling like an out siding just listening in and nodding.

I feel like that girl sometimes. I love to just sit back and listen and soak in the air of the conversation. I can now see how it might come off like a non participant or worse..rude and standoff-ish.

Though when I'm passionate about a topic I can get quite loud and talk your ear off on issues or facts you have no interests in.

Why do i suffer from the inability to generate small talk and to keep it flowing naturally? Why is it that I seem to dead end conversations so quickly? Maybe it's just my body subconsciously shutting down due to the lack of a social gene... or maybe I just need to always have a few drinks in me...